“That was it
I was finished.
I was done.
It was as if I had reached my lifelong limit of lies
I could not tell one more lie
And maybe I’m a sucker
Cause if I had told just one more lie
I could have walked from all that mess
Kept my wings, kept my false sense of PRIDE
Even more importantly, I could have avoided being ‘locked’ up……..
But I’m here.”
I was at that point where I didn’t know what to do next. I was torn between family and family and I had to take a decision on what to do next. Whichever side I took I would always be the bad guy. Being neutral is the best decision any man would take and still be on good books with everyone and that’s what I did albeit with good intentions but was wrongly misinterpreted.
I could never understand why
I only knew how.
Far away I was from the ’squabble’
Yet so near in spirit.
Oh shucks, the calls couldn’t be resisted.
And call after call they came.
A gadget was to be the cause of it all
And there began my Poison Ivy story.
I loved them both but her the most. The one my heart desired and wanted to be with all my life. The Good Book clearly states, “For this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and be joined to his WIFE, and the two shall become one flesh……Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:5,6) but I clearly hadn’t let my other family go. They clung to me, or should I say me to them; and in this case even my poison ivy.
“How you doing bro?
Coolio siz. You know me.
What’s up? Bored this weekend let’s do this, what do you say?
As always baby gal. We go hard, right
That’s my bro. coming over then. Get ready.”
And that’s how our lives were before she came along; the one my heart leapt for. She was the sunshine that lit the darkness inside (oh that’s cliché). The one I couldn’t take my eyes of. She had a bounce in her walk that just made you know ‘the queen is here’ :-). I (Romeo) and Juliet had never been friends but this one I would never let walk away. The look in her eyes, the illuminating smile, her glistering face in the sunshine, the curvaceous figure (I could go on but you get the point). Yes she was the one for me. I knew it and felt it.
You have to learn to follow your heart.
You can’t let other people pressure you into being something that you’re not.
If you want God’s favor in your life,
You must be the person He made you to be;
Not the person your parents want you to be
Or even the person your friends want you to be.
You can’t let outside expectations keep you from following your heart.
And following my heart I did. I pursued her, literally. (Okay I stalked her; happy now.) And mine I made her *Aliingia box*. The days were good, the nights even better. The evening walks, the hopeless romantic with all the poetry, coffee dates (you get the drift). I was the happiest man with the most beautiful lady by my side. No one could touch me. I was on top of the world. *sigh* I was very happy till that one ‘poison ivy’ moment.
My other quiet ‘Ivy’ graduating
The happiest day for her.
Done with the system
Now into the real world
And my ‘poison Ivy’ would never miss such.
The travels and click-click moments, her grandeur;
And oh did she steal the show.
I was the happiest brother around but far away I was on some assignment in the land of a thousand hills. ‘I was Mbob Mwangi, the Contractor’. I missed her grand moment but I had to make it special all the same. So I had My Lady organize a luncheon for her and family. It was be THE family get together. It was a good moment and a good report I got.
I never read between the lines therefore thought all was good. The moment of truth came when it was time to return the favour and hand over the equipment. The click-click moments were over and it was time to head back home; the Coast but first the hand over.
My lady waiting, ‘poison Ivy’ roaming.
In hand the gadget, at the chill spot frustration.
Then the war of words exploded.
This was it; the breaking point.
And in the middle of it was I.
Call after call came and I just couldn’t take it. Gave one hell of a lecture to ‘Ivy’ that I knew our relationship took a beating but also tried provoking calm and peace to my lady that went southwards before my word completion. She hang up. It was done!
I lost one. I don’t know. I lost them all.
I ended up believing it was my fault
Closed my eyes to squeeze try to block that thought
Placing heavy burden on me, please not that Lord.
Time to go back it goes forward
Can’t run from the pain got to pause it
So that things can be explained what caused it.
It never did. It’s like having my life restarted. I want to be a part of her again. I broke her heart. I lost her. Mistakes were made. Choices were made. None for the better, all down the gutter. I want my family back. MY FAMILY. As the Good Book clearly states, “For this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother(brothers and sisters too) and be joined to his WIFE, and the two shall become one flesh……Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, all of it
I’ve been doing some writing too.
I apologize to all the people that tried to help me along the way but I couldn’t or wouldn’t listen
People like my girlfriend (bitter swallow) my ex-girlfriend, family and friends
And again like I said, you know, some of them will never forgive me, some of them will
But at least I’m sober (I know the truth)
I thank God for that. I’m grateful for that.
And this is going to sound stupid from a man (that was) locked up in (that) ‘prison’
But for the first time in my life, I’M FREE! “